Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter in the District,

The little one on the left is all grown up now, and living just a few blocks from the Capitol Building.

The little one on the left is all grown up now, and living just a few blocks from the Capitol Building.

I have wonderful memories of the first time we took you to Washington, DC. You were seven and your sister was ten. You looked in the encyclopedia (in those pre-Google days) to learn all about the government and the monuments so you could help plan the trip. I know you were excited to go this time, too, but maybe not quite as exuberant as your seven-year old self.

Of course you know this, but this trip was quite different than any of our previous visits. This one has some permanence built in. You know how I got just a little teary-eyed when we hugged goodbye? I promise you, I haven’t shed any additional tears. Of course I also haven’t wandered upstairs into your empty bedroom yet, so there is still time.

There are no major words of wisdom I can provide for you and I don’t feel a need. But the long drive home after we helped you settle into your apartment did give me time to reflect on several things.

I very clearly recall that one of your elementary school teachers felt we were pushing you academically. I told her that simply was not true and that you had a very strong tendency to push yourself. She felt that wasn’t possible for a child your age, and we assured her that you had been very much in charge of your own capacity for learning ever since you decided to learn the multiplication tables at the same time your sister learned. Of course you were in preschool at the time, but that didn’t stop you.

You already know this, but Dad and I are very proud of you. Starting law school is a huge milestone! When people tell us that we must be good parents because we have raised terrific daughters, it is humbling. Mainly because we feel that we tried to set a good example and establish some reasonable expectations, but that you both have outpaced any hopes we ever had for you by setting your own goals and then charging full speed ahead to reach them. It’s so exciting to watch you work hard to fulfill your dreams.

Your determination has always been exemplary, perhaps matched only by your level of personal discipline. I really have been in awe of those qualities, which seem to come so naturally to you. The discipline is especially compelling, since those genes seem to have passed me by entirely.

As soon as you were accepted at Georgetown Law, we knew you would choose to go there. Of course you made a show of doing all the right homework, asking questions, getting all the facts, and exploring all of your law school offers before you made your choice. We are delighted that you are able to attend your dream school in a city where important decisions are made all the time. Our hope is that you will continue to feed your voracious mind and thirsty soul in this new and exciting place. Stay true to yourself and you’ll be just fine.

We remain thrilled to stand back and watch as your future unfolds before you. This is a great adventure. Enjoy the ride!

Love Always,


One World

It is seriously beyond my comprehension why we seem hell bent on shutting one another out in this contemporary world. The Brexit vote was a disappointment, and as I watch from afar what has taken place in Great Britain, I see a lot of similarities to what is dividing us politically in the United States.

In this world of instant messaging and hyper-emphasis on social media, why do we still think it is okay to focus on just ourselves? Have we become strictly nations of narcissists? Have we become a world of “me first” thinkers? More importantly, if that’s how we define ourselves as individuals and as nations, what can we do to turn that around?

How did the United Kingdom do a complete turn-around from its very long history of colonizing territories worldwide to shutting itself off from its next door neighbors? Is it going to give up all those other territories now in order to isolate itself further?  I doubt it.

Here in the US, how is it that we have gone from Ronald Reagan standing by the Brandenburg Gate imploring, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall” in 1987, to “We’re gonna build a wall” in 2016?  There were many positions taken by former President Reagan with which I could not agree, but I could never argue with his ability to make a good speech and always agreed with his drive to end the Cold War and bring nations together. We all remember one line from his speech at the Berlin Wall, but it also included another great line that turned out to be prophetic: “Across Europe, this wall will fall. For it cannot withstand faith; it cannot withstand truth. The wall cannot withstand freedom.”

If we can learn anything from history, the key take-away should be that isolationism is never the answer.  Many historians believe that the US policy of isolationism after World War I was a key factor in the onset of World War II.  I’m pretty sure Great Britain does not want to repeat that, nor does the rest of Europe.  I am saddened by the British vote to separate from EU.

Here in the USA we have a long history of being a proud nation of immigrants. But take a look around the rest of the world. Isn’t that the case almost everywhere now? Since personal air travel became more accessible to individuals for both business and pleasure post World War II, the borders of many countries have been opened in an unprecedented way. It has become harder and harder to claim a single national identity, not just for Americans, but for all peoples everywhere. The advent of the Internet brought us all closer together in different ways, making it possible for people to create bonds with one another from thousands of miles away.

Like it or not, we are a global economy and there is no looking back. Anyone who tells you otherwise is seriously kidding themselves. Great Britain can never shut itself off from its European neighbors economically. The United States can never close its ties with Chinese industry. You may not know it, but even small, local, businesses are importing and exporting goods from around the world all the time now. That manufacturing plant where your father used to work is almost certainly selling its products online now, to buyers in Asia, Africa, and South America. Worldwide trade is commonplace, even among smaller companies that don’t have a multi-national presence.

I have read numerous articles about the key issues in the 2016 US presidential election, and also read numerous articles on the various rationales to “leave” or “stay” in Britain.  After all of this reading, it seems clear that the true driving force behind peoples’ votes this year is fear: fear of job loss, fear of immigrants, fear of crime, and fear of a changing social climate. Maybe what really separates us is the bigger question, “What are we afraid of?” My answer to that remains virtually unchanged: I refuse to give in to fear.

Sure, there are lots of things that trigger fear in people for different reasons. But if we become consumed by fear then eventually we won’t even get out of bed in the morning. I simply will not accept that in my life. It’s the prospect of embracing a new day, regardless of what it may bring, that keeps me going. It’s the idea that our differences make us special, that we each come with talents and inabilities, strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. It’s the notion that behind the color of our skin, hair, and eyes, behind our gender, behind our economic status, we are all people. We all have families and friends and many of us choose to act in ways that make a difference for others. What separates us can also unite us. If it unites some groups for evil, it can also unite others for good.

I have seldom been accused of optimism, but still feel strongly that there is hope for people to get along with one another. There is hope for individuals and hope for nations. It takes work, and communication is the key. It’s always the key, whether you’re building personal or professional relationships between individuals or between nations. Ironic, isn’t it, that in this age of instant communication, we still can’t find the meaningful words to help us all get along?

With all of our fears, all of our poverty, all of our wealth, all of our colors, all of our faiths, all of our hearts, we are one world.  We have no one else in the entire solar system – just us on this single planet.  We are one world. We need to start acting like it.

I Am a Feminist

I am a feminist. Still.

First let me say that I am tired of having to repeat myself year after year after year. I don’t think we should have to, in 2016, still be pointing out that women are treated not just unequally, but actually with contempt in some cases. But then life as usual happens and I am reminded again that we feminists still have to speak out.

A convicted rapist is sentenced to just six months in prison because the judge feels that the young man’s life will be ruined if he faces a longer term. The rapist’s father tells the court his son can’t even enjoy eating a steak anymore. Neither of these men, privileged merely by the facts that they are white and they are men, seems to understand that the young woman was actually the victim of this rape. Rape is not an intimate act, it is a violent crime. SHE WAS THE VICTIM!

A major party candidate for President of the United States is accused of “playing the woman card.” What exactly IS the woman card? I am pretty sure I have been shuffling that deck for decades now. Her opponent can’t possibly begin to understand the intricate issues of governance and politics, so he simply attacks her for being a woman. Some of us yearn to hear a genuine airing of issues and policy statements, and instead we get sexist rants, and his supporters, many of them women, are okay with that.

Don’t even get me started on the equal pay for equal work situation. No matter how you do the math, 79 cents does not equal a dollar. It never will.

Also, don’t get me started on the horrific treatment of women in other countries. No, it doesn’t make it better that our country allows women certain privileges and doesn’t treat them like cattle. It just makes other countries worse.

So what exactly is a feminist, you wonder, and why should a woman who has been happily married for 32 years be a feminist? Because it’s not about holding doors, it’s about equality. It’s not about who is stronger physically, it’s about equality. It’s not about women’s rights, it’s about human rights. It’s not about whether a woman can still feel feminine and enjoy wearing dresses and high heels. I do, and I’m still a feminist. It’s not about which partner changes the babies diapers or mows the lawn (and the answer in our home has always been “both of us.”) It’s about women and men being treated with equal respect under the law and in the workplace. It’s about women and men collectively being welcomed at the boardroom table and the kitchen table.

Once upon a time I was a card-carrying member of NOW, the National Organization for Women. Card carrying, as in: I donated to the organization and they sent me a membership card, which I carried in my wallet. I believed in their cause in the 1970s and I believe in their cause now. I believe in equal pay for equal work. I believe we have not done enough in this country to stop violence against women or against lesbian, gay, and transgender people. We haven’t done enough to promote racial equality or religious tolerance. Oh yes…I also believe that women should have control over their own health and medical care.

And we sure haven’t overcome the stereotypes that women have certain roles in society which do not include leadership. Routinely, women who are strong, assertive, ambitious, and intelligent are still considered bitchy. Men with those same traits are considered leadership material. I know this because I have lived it.

It’s especially vexing to me when young women deny that feminism is even necessary. They treat it like some type of historical novel; something that had to be an issue for women in the old days – way back in the 1960’s and 70’s. Here’s the thing about that: those women who made a big deal about equality back in the day are the reason young women now have opportunities to play sports, legally get credit in their own name including student loans (for better or worse), purchase property, and apply for any job they may choose. Your grandmothers and great grandmothers are the reason you now get to vote. But it’s not just history at stake, it’s the present.

Feminism is not a women’s issue. It’s a human issue. Both women and men need a consciousness-raising every so often, to remind us that we are all in this life together. We all need to treat one another with respect and kindness and with an eye towards justice at every turn. Our gender alone does not define who we are as a person any more than our race or our religion. We are all the sum total of our physical, emotional, intellectual, relational, and artistic experiences. My husband and I, together, have tried to instill these values in our daughters.

Yes, I am tired of repeating these arguments. I don’t want to have to raise the continuing issues of misogyny and chauvinism. Yet there they are, still rearing their ugly heads at every turn, even in 2016. We should be above all that by now, but we are not, and the struggle continues.

So I am a feminist. Still.

Words Fail

Even for wordy people, there are moments in life when words fail us. Sometimes the words seem inadequate to the task. Sometimes the awe is too great, the sadness too profound, or the joy too immense.

As I watched my youngest receive her Bachelor’s Degree, I felt a mix of all these emotions: awe, sadness, and joy, all coupled with enormous pride. Her elder sister’s accomplishments have also been amazing and this does not take away from those moments. Those were “firsts” for us. These are closer to “lasts”; thus, the sadness.

This is our baby who walked across the stage and collected her degree. This is our younger child, who has been literally racing to catch up since the day she was born. She is a competitor in life. Never interested in living in the shadow of her gregarious and talented older sister, this one began life intent to not just keep up, but to outdo. Today, she deserves all her own accolades.

This one started out holding onto just my pinky finger when her hands were too small to grasp my whole hand. This one started to speak, hesitantly at first, and then stopped speaking for several months until she started to talk again in complete and fully formed sentences. This one hid behind me sometimes, too bashful to say hello to people on the street. This one insisted while sitting on her hands at the age of three that she couldn’t pick up her toys because she “had no hands.” This one was tentative on the playground with other children. This one was always a “joy to have in class” according to her teachers, and something of a hellion at home, where she felt completely free to reveal her inner audacity.

Now she is beautifully grown and has entirely emerged from her shell to demonstrate her level of ambition to the rest of the world. She is direct and sometimes uncompromising. She expects a lot from herself. She doesn’t just reach for what she wants in life, she works hard to earn it. No one pushes her; she pushes herself. And she does it all with compassion for others, a deep belief in justice for all, and unwavering faith.

We are delighted beyond words that she is determined to create the life she wants. Those steps across the stage to receive a handshake and diploma represent the completion of her undergraduate education where she has flourished, and the beginning of her next steps which will bring even more challenges as she heads to law school in the fall.

I am delighted that our once curly-topped, coy toddler has blossomed into a poised and savvy young woman ready to start the next phase of her life. She moves on with all of our love and pride and joy, with just a twinge of sadness that our baby is fully grown. So just pass me a tissue when these emotions begin to leak from my eyes. I have no more words. They have failed me.

Mothers and Daughters

Mother’s Day is rolling around again and there are many, many thoughts in my head.

First, I think of my mom. At age 86 she is going strong; very strong. This weekend, my sister and I will pack up everything in her kitchen in order to get it ready for a complete remodeling job which begins Monday. We’ll leave her with just some paper plates, a microwave, and her refrigerator, all moved into a temporary space in the dining room. Once the demolition begins she will have to make do with cereal, sandwiches, and anything she can heat in the microwave. If this sounds like a hardship to you or you have ever lived through a kitchen remodeling project I will just point out one thing again: Mom is 86 years old. Also, she is very much looking forward to this (not the plaster dust and the work involved, but the finished product.)

It’s a thrill, really, to live vicariously through one’s own mother as she makes this home her own. When we first looked at the place last August she knew the 1950’s kitchen would need an overhaul. She hoped to have it done before she moved in in November, but that was not to be. Now, instead of one of the first pieces to tackle, it will be the final piece; the jewel in the crown. She has already made decisions about paint and fabric and furniture placement and storage options and appliances and a variety of other items that one needs to think about when moving into a new home. Throughout all of it she’s been a trooper. We can all take a lesson from my mother who may have slowed down a little physically, but in her mid-80’s is still lucky enough and healthy enough to establish her own lifestyle and quite determined to live life on her own terms.


Me, Mom, and my daughters last April

Mom has thanked us many times over for our assistance as we have moved boxes, ripped up carpeting, painted, and hung draperies. Her comfort and enjoyment has been our reward. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! We look forward to working for you for a long time to come, and you’d better make us something delicious when that kitchen is finished!

Next, I think of my daughters. For 25 years I have watched them grow into the thoughtful, savvy, resourceful, caring, and purposeful young women they are. Next weekend we will experience the joy of family togetherness as we gather for the younger one’s college graduation. We’ll take Mom along so she can see her granddaughter walk across the stage and receive her diploma. There will be tears, mostly mine.

Being a mother has changed me in ways that I never knew were possible. I am simultaneously stronger and more emotional, capable and inept, confident and insecure. I was never a nurturing person, by nature, yet their very presence has brought out some of that spirit in me. I am definitely more cautious and more careful with my own health, mainly because I want to be around to see how they really turn out. I want to be there for all of the big events in their lives and the small ones, too.

When you are a parent, your needs will always take a back seat to the needs of your child. When you are the parent of grown children, you don’t stop caring or worrying about them. But if you are lucky, as I have been, you will see that those children whose scraped knees you used to bandage are now loving, thinking, independent people who may still need you once in a while and will still call just to let you know you remain important in their lives.

I did not set out in life to be a mother. There were many times in my life when I had no interest in raising children and was convinced I would be really lousy at it. As the years have unfolded, motherhood turns out to have been life’s greatest reward.

Shopping With Daughters

When you’re a mom of active daughters you get to do some fun things during their growing up years. You get to attend dance recitals, band and choir concerts, piano recitals, science fairs, and sporting events. You also get to shop with them for dress up occasions. Well, maybe “get to” is not the right phrase.

I have spent countless hours in my life loitering outside department store dressing rooms. Each daughter brings her own personality to the shopping experience. For years (maybe she still does and I am just not there to know it) one of them had a habit of trying on nearly everything in the store as she sought just the right dress. She would max out the limit on how many to take in and ask me to stand outside holding the remainder so we could trade them out. The other was very choosy before she even got to the dressing room, looking through all the merchandise on every rack before selecting a very small handful to try on. Prom and homecoming dresses were the biggest challenges. We often went from store to store to store, checking out every potential item and negotiating budget discussions.  I actually made a few special occasion dresses for them, sometimes with more success than others.

When they did try things on and showed me the results I was always very careful with my words. Very careful. Especially during the teen years. If I really loved something on one of them I was cautious about tempering any gushing statements so they wouldn’t reject it just because Mom liked it. If I hated it, I also had to temper my remarks with something like, “that may not be the most flattering fit for you.” If one of their friends was along for the excursion I always waited for the friend to comment first, then could usually second those remarks. My daughters will tell you a different story. They may, perhaps, remember me as too outspoken. They didn’t know I was actually holding back a bit.

Fast forward a few years and now they are picking out clothes far away, so I am nowhere in sight during the process. But amazingly, they still reach out for my opinion once in a while. With the younger one’s college graduation pending they have both been on the hunt for dresses recently. The soon to be graduate called and emailed a couple of times asking my opinion on some things she had seen online. We exchanged some ideas and links to various sites. When she finally chose a lovely pale blue dress that will look fabulous with her auburn hair, she said, “Thanks Mom. I trust your judgement on these things.” Not long afterwards her sister texted me a photo of a dress she was trying on, just to show me what she had chosen. It’s navy and white and looks spectacular on her!

I have also been on the hunt for an appropriate dress as the mother of the graduate. I found a couple that fit well, but one looked too business-y. The other was nice, but I was afraid the Kelly green might be too bright. The goal is to look dignified for a spring daytime occasion without standing out too much. It’s her day to shine and our day to stand next to her looking proud. I sent a picture to my daughter and she loved the green dress. Then a few days later I found some fabric I really loved, so now I am making a second dress. It also happens to be navy blue but doesn’t look a thing like the dress my elder daughter has chosen. As it turns out we will have a couple of different ceremonies and special events to attend on graduation weekend, so I’ll be able to wear both dresses.

Here’s the kicker:  my daughters were always very vocal when I was trying on clothes.  They were blunt and honest, using phrases like, “Mom, that is not your color,” “You’re not going to wear that, are you?”, or, “It makes your hips look bigger” (the kiss of death for any article of clothing.)  They never held back and for that I am grateful.

Yes, having daughters has had both challenges and advantages.  But it turns out we still rely on one another for shopping, at least a little bit, even from afar.  It also turns out that I really miss those long hours waiting by the department store dressing room.

Pogo, Perry, and the Primary

“We have met the enemy and he is us.” Some of us oldsters know this as a quote from the long defunct comic strip Pogo. Walt Kelly wrote the iconic phrase as his main character, a possum named Pogo, overlooked a forest floor littered with tossed out junk. The comic was made into a poster to help promote the first ever observance of Earth Day, April 22, 1970.

The comic strip quote is a takeoff from a phrase coined by American Naval Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry. After defeating the British in the Battle of Lake Erie in 1812, Perry had the presence of mind to utter two memorable lines: “We have met the enemy and they are ours,” and, “Don’t give up the ship.”

Strangely, these linked phrases from both Pogo and the Commodore have been on my mind recently. That’s not because Earth Day is coming up. Don’t get me wrong, I conscientiously do my part to reuse and recycle and to take care of Mother Earth. But the day itself doesn’t usually hold a lot of meaning for me since I firmly believe that we need to take care of our planet every day. No, the real reason I have been thinking along these lines which are oddly linked together is because of the New York State Presidential Primary.

IMG_4282Honestly, I have voted in this primary at every opportunity since I registered to vote at the age of 18. In all of those 39 intervening years my vote has essentially meant nothing. In the past the candidates have been all-but determined by now. But this year is a whole different animal.

For the first time ever we have seen major political candidates actually campaigning in New York State before the primary. We have seen and heard ads for the candidates. We have had auto-dial phone calls from candidates. This is unprecedented. I know for sure that it has happened in other states which traditionally run earlier primaries. But New York State has never been in the mix before, mainly because our primary falls rather late on the calendar and the delegates and candidates are almost always decided by now. This year, since no one has locked up the full delegate count from either major party yet, registered Republicans and Democrats in New Yorkers have a chance to make a genuine difference in choosing their party’s candidates.

Voting, to me, has always been more than just a civic responsibility. It is almost sacred. I never take it lightly and always vote. I vote on everything: school budgets, town council races, state representatives, questions up for referendum on the ballot – everything. And before I vote I always take the time to learn exactly what is on the ballot, who is running for what office, what those candidates stand for, and what the issues mean. I can’t understand people who vote only when there’s a race for governor or president. To me, every election is important, and that may be because I truly believe that government formed at the grassroots is the most sincere form of politics.

If you are a registered Republican or Democrat in New York State I strongly encourage you to vote in this primary on Tuesday, April 19. Because of the way our primaries run, registered voters from each party get to choose which candidate they want to see as their party’s standard bearer. Every registered Republican and Democrat gets a say this year. Even if you think you are voting for an underdog, your candidate still has a chance. So there it is, “Don’t give up the ship.”

Similarly, if you fail to vote and don’t like the outcome here in our state, you have no one to blame but yourself. “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

Polling places in Chautauqua County are open from noon to 9pm tomorrow (Tuesday, April 19.) If you are registered, there is no good excuse. Vote!

Android or Apple?

Having demonstrated that I am not afraid to step into controversial issues with this blog, I thought I would post a huge question today: Android or Apple? Your answers may actually show a greater divide than if I had asked “Hillary or The Donald?” Much like our major candidates, each operating system seems to have its own enthusiasts, but in this case I am still struggling with the “why?”

I admit I was a latecomer to the smartphone game. Just over two years ago I got my first data phone. It was an Android and it served me well. Both daughters had iPhones and couldn’t understand why I didn’t get an iPhone at the time. There were some very good reasons: the iPhone was more expensive at that point, some friends had Androids and swore by them, and did I mention the iPhone was really expensive at that time?

So I got the Android and plunged into using it like I do with every other piece of tech equipment or software that has crossed my path: full steam ahead. I have never been one to shy away from technology and if I don’t know something I will figure it out. So I happily went about the business of using my Android phone and became very accustomed to all of its functions and properties.

Now, fast forward two years. The old LG Android slowed down – way down. The battery still charged just fine and it did what I asked it to do, just very, very slowly. I cleaned up as much old stuff and made some moves to delete unused apps, old photos, and some other things, but it was still slower than a snail. I texted my husband last week about something, but it took so long for the text to send that I could have driven to his office faster. So it was time for a new phone.

phoneI told the guy at the counter that I was looking for a small phone. He showed me the iPhone 6, but it was too big. He showed me a Samsung that was still too big. He showed me a few other LG and other models in Androids that were bigger than my old phone and still seemed too clunky for my use. Most of these so-called phones are behemoth devices that look like you’re holding a small tablet to your ear just to have a phone conversation. “Smaller,” I said. Seriously, there is nothing dainty about me except for the size of my hands, so I don’t want a phone that doesn’t fit. Small was crucial. Then, he said, “There is a new iPhone coming out. It’s the size of the old iPhone 5 and you might like it.”

So, I have never been one of those people who orders the newest gadget before it’s even released, until now. Aside from the small form, one admittedly shallow reason for this choice was that you can buy some really cool cases for the iPhone, much more so than for my former LG phone. I am considering one made of burled maple, which is beautiful but a little more than I would like to pay so there’s no final decision yet.

I ordered the iPhone SE. It’s a SMALL phone, but all the reviews claim it packs a lot of power and functionality for its size. It arrived today and I am learning the ins and outs of it. It took me only about 30 minutes to get the phone up and running, including adding my social media apps and loading all the photos and contacts from the cloud onto the new phone. I can make and receive calls, send and receive texts, troll Facebook, scroll Instagram, waste time on Pinterest, check my LinkedIn account, and play around with the camera settings. I can check the news, weather, and email, and review any new stats on my blog. Let me point out that I did all of these things on the old Android, and am now doing them all on the new iPhone. Honestly, aside from a few minor changes in the way the phone functions, I am not seeing a lot of difference here.

I know all of you devotees of one or the other are probably rolling your eyes in disgust right now. But the reality is that they both seem pretty simple to use and both have done all that I ask of them. The apps are easy to download on both.  The camera is nicer on the new iPhone, but I would expect that two years gives everyone a chance to improve their technology.  Right now the Apple operating system seems a bit more cumbersome, but that’s only because I’m not completely used to it after just a few hours.  The more I use it the easier it will become, and I am open to the concept that my opinion on the two systems may change over time.  Anyway, I will use this new phone for a while and get back to you if I find any major differences. Call me a rebel, but at first glance I don’t see too many.

Oh, and as for that Presidential campaign thing, yes, there are MAJOR differences in those operating systems.

American Success Story

Last week’s post (and a few others) aside, I did not design this blog as a venue for political rants. My objective was to create a spot where I could explore the changing world around me as I charted new territory as a mom whose kids have mainly flown the coop. It has become a place where I choose to make my thoughts public while on my ever-continuing search for the meaning of life. My intention is to still not make this blog all about politics, but to occasionally write it the way I see it in all aspects of life: career, family, relationships, environment, and maybe once in a while politics.

Here is my reality: I am an American success story.

My father was the first in his family to go to college. The adopted son of Irish and Danish immigrants, he was truly lucky in life: lucky to be chosen by a couple who desperately wanted a child, lucky to grow up with an extended family that doted on him, lucky to be encouraged to chase his American dream, and very lucky to find and marry my mother, the daughter of Italian immigrants, who both loved and put up with him. Despite my dad’s college degree, he still struggled to put food on the table and a roof overhead for his five kids.

I was the first of my generation to go to college; an opportunity I nearly squandered, but then created chances to redeem myself later on. My husband, raised by a single mother,  was the first in his family to get a college education and a Master’s Degree. We never chose the highest-paying career tracks, but we have risen from our family of origins’ constant economic struggles to a comfortable very middle class status. It’s not always easy and we don’t have any luxuries in our lives, but we have a decent home and can always buy groceries.

Our elder daughter was the first in her generation to get a Bachelor’s Degree and then a Master’s Degree. She has used her education to launch herself into a career and a city that she chose, where she is now self-sustaining. Our younger daughter will graduate this spring with a Bachelor’s Degree and is headed to law school in the fall. They both work hard and make us very proud parents.

We are an American success story. We have pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps. Ever since my first job in high school flipping burgers and asking, “Would you like fries with that?” I have worked. I spent a couple of years working full time and going to college full time. I have spent more than a few years working two jobs at once in order to pay off debt and sock away a very small amount in savings. We have been able to help our daughters a little bit with living expenses as they struggle to get on their feet. We do not have enough in our retirement accounts and have never worked jobs where there are pension plans. Despite all that, we are an American success story.

Our parents emphasized education and hard work as a way up and a way out of poverty. They encouraged us to seek something better than what they were able to attain. We watched them eke out a living and strove to create a better life for ourselves and our children. We encouraged our children to go to college. Actually, we didn’t present it as one of several options, we always talked about it as the ONLY option. We wanted them to be able to choose a life that would provide personal satisfaction and allow them to pay their own way in the world. We wanted our kids to do better. Isn’t that what all parents want for their children? I am not talking just about earning power, but about lifestyle choices.

It would be glorious to think that every American can do the same thing. I am not naïve enough to believe that. Not all children are born into circumstances where they have choices. Many are born into extreme poverty either in inner city slums or incredibly rural areas where they literally cannot visualize a way up and out. Many have come from generations that have lived in poverty for so long they don’t understand any alternatives, and they may not be able to find one job, let alone two. There honestly are people in our wealthy country who need a helping hand from time to time and we should be generous enough to reach out to them.  We should show them the way to climb out of their oppressive surroundings and give them hope for a better life.

I believe strongly in growth through education. Even when our economy falters, those who have a higher education still make out better than those without. Even if an education doesn’t lead you into a higher socio-economic class, it leads you to become a better person. It opens doors you didn’t even know were closed. Education should be a life-long ambition so that we choose to never quit learning and continue to expand our brains well into adulthood. It is unquestionably harder for young people today to afford a college education than it was when I graduated from high school. I don’t think it should be free for all because I do believe in the value of earning something, but it sure would be nice to make it more affordable.

Without getting into a significant political rant today, I will sum up why this is important to understand. I am the product of immigrant ancestors and I am an American success story. My success has been made possible by hard work, determination, and circumstances in this country where it is possible to change ones’ life for the better. We don’t need some guy who was born with a gold-plated spoon in his mouth to tell us that we should make America great. He doesn’t get it and he truly doesn’t have anyone’s best interests at heart except his own. America is already great.  It has become greater during my lifetime as it grows more inclusive.  America remains the land of opportunity, and I believe strongly that everyone should have the same prospects for success.  Everyone.

Political Low Point

I use phosphate-free dishwashing liquid, and I vote. Well, I guess it doesn’t have the same weight that some other slogans carry, but don’t let that fool you. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry. In fact, there are many days when I am close to incensed and today is one of those days.

I am incensed over this low point in our American political landscape. Not since the segregationist rhetoric of presidential candidate George Wallace in the 1960’s has there been a candidate who so blatantly incites racial divide as we have now with the current Republican frontrunner. And it’s not just racial hate speech that is creating a dangerous national agenda, it is hate speech against religious groups, women, and anyone who dares to challenge his positions.

When protestors are being removed from his rallies he loves to say, “Get ‘em out of here.” He doesn’t know who they are, but makes broad suppositions that they are unemployed and uneducated.  Obviously, no opposition will be tolerated. He very clearly has no respect for our First Amendment right to free speech. When he asked supporters during a rally in Florida last week to raise their right hand and swear an oath to vote for him, did that strike anyone else as odd, or even scary? This is not a “so help me, God,” oath, unless you happen to be one of his followers who drank all the Koolaid and are okay with the fact that he puts himself on the same level as the Almighty.

Let’s be clear about what we are witnessing: a systemic move towards squelching opposition and inciting violence against anyone who disagrees with the candidate, and a growing movement towards allowing violence in the name of an individual who is establishing himself as an authority figure and working to gain the highest office in the land.

Now let’s take a look at the definition of the word “Fascism”: a political philosophy, movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition. Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Just for clarity’s sake I want you to read the First Amendment to the U. S. Constitution. Here’s the text:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

So, you want to “Take America Back?” How far back? Clearly not as far back as 1791 when the Bill of Rights, written by founding father James Madison, was approved by Congress. Am I right? No, it appears that you want to take this country back to the days when it was okay to perpetrate violence against people who demonstrated a different point of view. Back to the days of segregation. Back to the days when war protestors were pepper-sprayed or shot. Back to the days when women were second class citizens, and so were blacks, Hispanics, and Muslims. Back to the days when Japanese Americans were interred in camps. Or maybe back to the days when my Irish and Italian ancestors couldn’t find work because they were looked down upon in a class system that we have worked to overcome for decades in this country.

Our President is Commander in Chief of our armed forces, has the power to make treaties, appoint Ambassadors, State Supreme Court Justices, and other officers of the United States government. The main job of the President is to make sure our government runs in a sound way so that it can provide service to the people of our country. So here are the qualities we should seek in a President of the United States: someone who is educated, experienced, compassionate, statesman-like, and able to converse in a civil and meaningful way with all types of people from students to laborers to business people to high level leaders from other governments. Let me add one other incredibly important quality: I want a president who is MATURE. Not a school-yard bully or an overgrown twelve year old with a preoccupation for scatological humor.

There are other Republican candidates with whom I do not agree on policy, but at least they can discuss policy issues in a rational and reasonable way. At least they have an understanding of the gravity of the office. At least they respect the American people enough not to engage in flagrantly embarrassing public behavior. And at least they are not inciting violence during every public engagement. They are, sadly, barely being given the time of day by their own party’s voters.

Unfortunately, the way the delegate count is shaping up right now it appears we will have many more months ahead to put up with a candidate who actually started out looking like a joke and has now gained so much strength that even his own party can’t put him back in the box. It appears the rest of this campaign will have nothing to do with policy issues and everything to do with hate- and fear-mongering. If terrorism that is imported into our country scares you, wait ‘til you see what lies ahead when the terrorism is truly home-grown and government-authorized. This slippery slope we are on is very dangerous, and frightening.